contemplative.

Being a really introverted thinker person, it's actually amazing how little time I spend contemplating.

Contemplation, meditation is a sort of medication for the over thinker. I think too much, about too, too much of the time.

Learning to meditate has been so refreshing. Distancing myself from the clutter of the hum-drum dreariness of everyday over thinking. Well I'm guilty of that anyway.

So meditation...

It's really once you get into. I read somewhere it's not about banishing random thoughts, or retaining them, but distancing yourself from those thoughts. In the same way a plane takes off and vanishes in the distance, that's what happens to your thoughts when you meditate. It's intentional, where you imagine the thoughts passing you by. They come, they go. You breathe in, you breathe out.

There's a continual drift in and out of thought. At first the heavy traffic congestion of muddle musings, incomplete thoughts, and tomorrows chores. But allow yourself to picture your thoughts moving on, don't hold onto them. Leave them be, they had a momentum coming, let them continue on their way...

I have found the Spiritual Practices section on Mars Hill Bible Churches website really helpful! Have a look here.

A short film that a friend shared with me :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FdeioVndUhs

Films...

It's always hard trying to come up with a conclusive list of favourite things. It's never clear cut. In a few days I might have changed my mind or remembered a film that I forgot to add...

Anyway, without any further delay here it goes!

(Not in any particular order mind you.)

1. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, Directed by Sergio Leonne

I absolutely love this film! IT's slow in patches, but the build up to the different scenes are epic. The characters are brilliant too, the story line and the things the characters go through all builds up on each other. Just brilliant!

2. Half Nelson, Directed by Ryan Fleck

"Dan: Second chances are rare, man. You ought to take better advantage of them."

Probably the line that best defines the film. It's a story about an Inner City School History with a drug habit and his unlikely friendship with one of his students when she finds out his secret. It's slow in parts but it moves swiftly through the lives of those involved. The second time I saw it, I realised that it was a sought of commentary on the despair that exists in seemingly opposite sides of society. I liked it a lot!

3. Reservoir Dogs, Directed by Quentin Tarantino

I'm not that much of a film buff so can't really claim anything when I state something like, "I don't think any other Director has quite done what Tarantino did with his first feature!" Seriously the guy is a genius. His storytelling is brilliant, funnily enough after watching "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly", I immediately knew where Tarantino got his inspiration from. If you happen to watch the 1967 classic by Sergio Leone watch a Tarantino film after and see if you can draw the parallels.

4. Waltz with Bashir, Directed by Ari Folman

An Israeli film director interviews fellow veterans of the 1982 invasion of Lebanon to reconstruct his own memories of his term of service in that conflict. I found this film challenging. Ari does a good job of intertwining story and imagery, I like how I was drawn into reflecting on my own perspectives on War.

5. Snatch, Directed by Guy Ritchie

Probably my favourite British Gangster flick. Guy Ritchie is a kind of British Tarantino. But still holds his own. His talent as a Writer and Director is evident in this film. The humour, the lines, the seemingly coincidental events that bring his characters together is really well done!

END OF LIST.

Well that is all I have for now. I plan to watch a heap of films this year

Possibly, probably.

Ok. So I'm going to do some lists for the blog. I decided to start with the easiest of lists.

I'm going to do a list of things I'd like to list! Yes, you read it right.

I'm also realising that to write a definitive list on any topic means that you need to have a big grasp of that subject. But that is not going to be my intention! I'm just going to share my favourite things of whatever the list might be. I have no idea how this is going to work, but lets see what happens aye.

Things I'd like to list: (not in any order of importance.)

1. Movies

2. Music

3. Football

4. Sports

5. Literature

6. People

7. Politics

8. Geography

9. Shortfilms

10. Directors

11. Actor

12. Actress

13. Poets

14. Artists

15. Places.

That's all I got for now. Will give a little explanation before each list of my thoughts behind the selection and possibly the criteria for my choices.

Probably in my Top 5.

I don't usually have a top of anything. But I do know when I really like something. Be it a video, a song, art, whatever it is, when I like it, I really like it.

This is probably my favourite short film at the moment.

http://vimeo.com/16044812

Vicky and Sam, by Nuno Rocha. Really clever. I like it a lot.

Probably my favourite song at the moment.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNmLDubIFYU

It's, "What Makes a Man", by City and Colour. My favourite lyric from the song, "What makes a man, live his whole life in disguise. I think I might know. I think I might know." Out of all the things I think about the most, I think it would have to be a dabble in existentialism. That is the philosophy of existence. This song helps me to make sense of those dark moments of existing.

Probably my favourite Spaghetti Western of all time. (Spaghetti westerns, are Westerns from the late 60's - early 70's films that were directed by Italian Directors. I like Sergio Leone's films a lot!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13EUXqIwDkQ

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, by Sergio Leone. I would almost go as far as saying that this would be in my Top 5 of all time! It probably would make the list if I HAD to make a list like that.

Come to think of it I might just do that. Make some lists. I'm not usually a lists kinda person. New year, new things to try out I guess. Sweet, it's settled I'll try and do one every second day, but it will probably be one a week! Stay tuned :D

Creation, Melodies and other things that make your heart flutter...

Rui stoking the fire.

Moving car, landscape shot. I quite like landscape. There is a certain nuance to a moving landscape photo that is composed haphazardly yet somehow captures quite well the grand scale of things.

Taihape jaunt. On our way to Auckland from Wellington after Chris' (pictured here) 21st.

There is something about Pylons in the country that captures my mind. The somewhat contrasting way in which the landscape and the Pylons interact, I find aesthetically pleasing.

Coffee with friends. Another creative attempt.

Who else would I want to be?

I often find myself preoccupied with uneducated self directed pondering that often, but not always, leads nowhere.

Regardless of the example, how does what I ponder change anything if I don't act on it? Like, the idea of being in a relationship is great, right. Long walks on the beach, dinner by candle light, a picnic under a tree. All great stuff!

But where is it, that the idea takes hold wraps itself around your every waking thought that the only possible conclusion, outcome, action, is to take action. To make the first move. To put in place the series of events that realise your mindless meanderings.

It's not often that I'm gripped by the intensity of an idea. Those moments are holy. Perhaps I'm unworthy?

Oh, but there are times! When my unnecessary self loathing, pitiful, melancholic dreariness is taken aback. I'm then left with keys to that mystical, mysterious, messy moment of clarity. I'd be listening to a song. The lyric, the melody, the voice catapults you beyond the confines of merely consuming the music, beyond just being a member of the audience, but propelled forward, inward, outward. The idea has taken root. Take action. Move first.

Reflecting on all of this. I think this happens more often than I think. I'm propelled forward, inward, outward, more times than I'm aware of. Somehow and in some way, I'm always better for it.

It's real crazy how these moments often occur, for me, out of a struggle. Creativity is funny like that.

Your back is up against a wall, your fears and lies have your shoulders pinned right back. You struggle to break free. You're cynical, dark and self loathing. You could either; fight back, but the burden is only heavier; give up, but you only get pushed harder. Or, you could face them, you could look them in the eye, you could even step to the side and let push right on through the wall.

I'm often reminded by a melody, a friends smile, a lyrical inflection, a baby crying. That what MIGHT happen is not as important as what IS happening. There's so much to get preoccupied by that I often miss how BEAUTIFUL it is to be present NOW. The STRUGGLE is about taking back your time, taking back NOW. Too often I plan ahead, what just needs to be enjoyed. I forget that who I am, is good enough for NOW and because of that I am able to BE.

In all of my messiness, incongruently reverberating towards old habits, thoughts, fears, I can be OK with who I am.

Who else would I want be?